A Final thought, and on with my adventure called life!!!

Well I have been home a few days now and thought I would write my final thoughts about my experience. Overall this experience was needed in my life! I have thought before that my life has been hard and now going on this trip I realize my life is awesome!!! I have so much to be thankful for and blessed to the max! I had a conversation last night with some people and realized something. I feel that yes we do need to help America but we need to care abut our entire world to survive. My generation seems to embrace helping others in other countries where I feel that some people are only focused on helping America. Helping America has always been my priority as well, but if we do not help other countries we are only hurting ourselves. I didn’t go on this experience to say look what I’ve done! I went on this experience to learn, and help others and by helping others they helped me! The people I went with on this trip genuinely care about others, and love their profession and working with children. I saw the love within our group!!! think everyone should leave our country to see what our country does do for us and how our country truly cares for its people. I think there are people everywhere who do not care about their country and if you do truly care about your country then you will do something about it and help others. I feel that if everyone helped and did their part our country would be so much better off. But I think there are people who just like to complain and not do anything about it, and so that’s why nothing gets done. I hope these people realize that they are not helping by just sitting and not doing anything about the things that they are not happy about!!! This trip has honestly given me my back bone back. I have been a very passive person the last 10 years and now I have decided for myself that I am not going to take crap anymore. If someone says something I do not like and disagree with I’m going to say so. I am a more confident person after this trip and a more happier person!!! I have chosen to be happy with myself, others and in my life!!!! I am so happy to have the fiancé that I do, he is so wonderful and I just love him!!!

I learned that America is a great country wherever you live in it!!!! Zambia does not have speech therapy in their country at all and how cool it is that we taught some people some techniques to help these children. I am forever changed and I am truly happy with my life and the things I have. I am ready for my next adventure which right now is planning a wedding and getting through my last year of graduate school!!! I feel that now that I went on this trip I can do anything! God is so amazing! I hope everyone gets the chance in their life to experience God’s love because it is awesome!

Overall this experience was awesome! There were some sad moments and definitely some God moments but I would do it all over again!!! I am so thankful that God gave me this opportunity and that my family let me go on this opportunity because I know it wasn’t easy for them. This experience has helped me professionally in that I have worked with some very sick children, and they are just like you and me!!! This experience has truly helped me with my long adventure ahead called life!!! Life has its ups and downs and things happen that are so unexpected and sometimes wonderful!!!! This trip has taught me that life is what you make it! Life can be great or life can be not so great, its your choice. I can’t save the world, the world has to want to save itself first!!!! But I try and do my part each and everyday and if I can help somebody I will try to do the best I can!!!

I love my life!!! This trip has taught me so much about love and I am overwhelmed with love!!! I have love for my fiancé, my family, friends, and even people who are not excited that I went on this trip! I truly love everyone and I hope in my life that my actions and things I say always portray love!!! I love that I am taking the next step in my life and getting married and just feel love from so many people! Thanks to everyone for taking the time and reading my blog through my adventure!!! Y’all are awesome!!! Love to everyone!!!!

Love Jill

Saying Goodbye!!!

Last night as many of you may know by now lost one of our very dear children from the Haven. Andrew passed away last night from complications due to HIV and other causes. I worked with Andrew for a short time but in that time I learned what a sweet boy he was. It is saddening and heavy on my heart to have lost a child while we were here and so close to the end of our grand adventure. I feel though that this is a valuable lesson to learn from. Sometimes in life, we may lose someone close to us such as a family member, friend, co-worker, significant other, or even a patient or client we have been treating and caring for. I think what I have taken away from this lesson is that life is not forever and at some point in our careers we will have a patient, child, or client not make it and we have to be prepared for when that time comes. Another lesson I have taken away from this situation is just how blessed we are in America to have the technology, resources and medical care that we have. We are able to go to the emergency room and be seen by a doctor and get help, here in Zambia it is very different. Here they do not always even have the medicine available or electricity for breathing vents to work, and so sometimes there is death that could have possibly been prevented. I am saddened for the auntie’s because they knew Andrew for three years and cared for him and loved him.

Today we attended Andrew’s viewing and funeral. It was so nicely done! There was not a dry eye there. Andrew was in a beautiful wooden casket and he was wrapped in a blanket. He looked so peaceful and when I walked by him, I said a prayer and shed a tear. My wonderful friend Anna walked with me to view him and told him that she loved him, that’s when I began to shed more tears. We then as a group walked over to the grave site. The auntie’s sang and sobbed and whaled, and one of his family members said a few words and thanked everyone for taking care of Andrew and blessed us all who were mourning Andrew. One of the auntie’s named Meagan told Andrew’s story and we found out that Andrew had been a very sick baby, and had been struggling most of his life. I feel that Andrew is in a better place and the best place! They placed the casket in his grave and filled the hole. They said a few prayers and placed flowers, his favorite toy, and tomato puffs on top of the grave! Those were his favorite! What a cultural experience to have been to a funeral. I wished it hadn’t of happened at all but the reality is that it happens and Andrew was happy we were there.

The hardest part of the day comes next, when we all had to say goodbye to the rest of the kids! This was hard for me! I have become super close with Dennis a little boy in Haven 1 and we just had a special bond. I taught him to blow bubbles and blow kisses and say bye!!!! I just love him! I told him goodbye and cried, and hugged each of his auntie’s and thanked them for taking such great care of all the children. This experience has changed me forever! I feel I have learned so much on this adventure, especially the lesson of love for others!!! Love to Andrew and Dennis and all the kids at the Haven and the aunties, my classmates on this trip, my family, to you, and to all!!!!!!

Happy Father's Day

Today yet again has been wonderful thus far! This morning I went to church here in Namwianga and I sat with my friend Dow, who lives at the Haven! Dow is almost four years old and so adorable! His favorite word is bye and everyone knows who Dow is! Dow sat in my lap the entire church service and even fell asleep on my lap today! So precious! I just love these children!!!!

In honor of fathers day I would just like to wish everyone a happy fathers day, including my dad Ray Fernandes and future father in law Rusty Duncan!!!!! I miss my real dad very much and have thought about him a great deal being on this trip! I think my father would be very proud of my family and I for everything that we have accomplished since he has been gone! Next year will mark the ten year anniversary of him being gone! A lot has changed since he has been gone! Our family has grown and I am a little older and wiser! I now live in Arkansas and not Connecticut and I am almost half way through my masters degree! I’m getting married next year, so my last name will change! I think my dad would be so happy to see me marrying such an upstanding man and would love Russell’s family!!! My love for him has never changed and I think the love he has for me, my mom and brother will always be there! I know he didn’t want to leave us and is watching all the time!

One of my favorite memories of my dad is when we would go eat at the Vazzy’s restaurant in Stratford, Ct. My mom worked evenings and about once a week dad would take Gregory and I out for dinner because he did not feel like cooking!!! My favorite part of the meal would be dessert, and we would split it! My favorite was banana chantilly and of course cannolis!!!! He would always let me have the bigger piece and pick the dessert!!!! Gregory and I have the best dad and the best memories of eating meals together! I miss those meals and when I eat cannolis I always think of him!!!  I feel like I knew my dad better in the time I had him than some do knowing their dad for a lifetime!!! I feel sorry that my kids won’t ever know their grandpa Taylor but I hope to share the things he taught me and hope to share memories like he shared with Gregory and I!!!! Gregory I hope you always remember the times we had with him and how much he loved and cared about us!!!!
I hope to see him again one day but for now I pray that he knows I still think of him and love and miss him just the same! I want to thank my two living fathers and just let them now how wonderful it is to have you in my life and thank you for all that you do for me! I consider both of you my dad’s and you both hold a very special place in my heart!! I want to also thank the heavenly father today for everything he has done! He is amazing!!!!! He is the ultimate father and provider! Love to all the fathers on fathers day and love to all!!!!

Adventure called life!!!!

Well today was awesome!!!! We are back in Namwianga now!!!! I think I have gotten the most awesome souvenirs ever!!! I bought a painting today for my office! The painting is of an elephant and the sun is setting the background! I am going to frame it and when I hang it in my office (at Russell’s house), I will think of Africa and the great experience I had here!

I am glad to have taken this trip before I got married! I feel that I needed to travel on my own and have my own adventure and I did! Now Russell and I can start our adventure together and that’s going to be a blast! This next year I realize is going to go so fast and be hectic with planning a wedding and going to school, but I was thinking today about how exciting it really is that the next stage of my life is starting! So really Africa is the end of my adventure alone and I get to start my adventures with Russell and I can’t wait!!!! For those of you who don’t know Russell has been so supportive the entire time I have known him! He supported me when I took my full time job in Connecticut and moved away from him back in 2009. He supports me with school, and even helps me with my projects, and studying!!!! He supports me when I have vehicle issues!!!! He supported me when I decided to come on this trip and I just wanted to take the time to thank him for being that way and believing in me! I couldn’t have found a better man than him!!!!! And Russell I am sooooo excited to be on this adventure called life with you, I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else! Just know that you mean the world to me, and when no one else loves you, know that I do and Jesus does too!!!! Life isn’t perfect and I know I am surely not but I hope when life gets tough for us that we hold onto each other and ford the river! I can’t wait to fill the pages of albums with the adventures that we will have together!!! It really is exciting!!!! You are my best friend and I miss you so very much and can’t wait to see you when I get home!!! God is so wonderful Russell!!!! Love to you Russell, and love to all!!!!

Hakuna Matata

Well I have been in Livingstone last three days and what an experience it has been!!! Well we got here and experienced high tea!!! High tea was at the royal livingstone hotel very ritzy and expensive and we had tea on the balcony and watched the sunset and had sandwiches and pastries! YUM!!!!! I felt like a royal that night! The Falls was to our left and we could see the mist from it! Amazing!!!! Then we went to the Falls that night and saw the lunar rainbow, which is breath taking! The lunar eclipse also happened that night as well! So cool!!!

On Thursday we went on our Safari!!!!! Oh my goodness, my new favorite animal is an elephant!!! We were right behind a line of four elephants and the mommy turned around and stared us down!!! She was so pretty!!! We saw the elephants bathing, eating and walking!!!! We also saw many giraffes, and they walk like camels which is so cool!!!! The females are lighter in color than the males and some have different patterns of spots!!! We saw many hippos!!!! I now know why they have the saying happy as a hippo!!!! We saw warthogs, also known as pumba from the lion king and many baboons!!! It was incredible! When I get home I am going to watch the lion king!!!

So today was free in the morning and I went shopping at the market! I bought lots of great souvenirs and I traded some things today also! Way fun! I have become an excellent barter! This afternoon we went to Victoria Falls and I got some amazing pictures!!! I also got wet, but I had a pancho on so not too wet but so fun!!! There is a bridge that we walked across to see the falls and the whole group just yelled when we ran over it! Very liberating experience! The Falls in something to see, it took my breath away!!! Tonight we went on our sunset cruise, which was on the Zambezi river! It was beautiful! The sun looks like it disappears into the river! We saw a hippo family with baby hippos, so cute! I have really enjoyed coming to Livingstone!!! We leave tomorrow to go back to Namwianga but this part of the trip was so much needed and worth it! I’m excited to see the children again!!! Pray we finish strong as a group!!! Love to all!!!!!

Getting ready for the FALLS!!!!

Well today has been great!!!! It was actually kind of chilly today for the first time!!!! The children were really fun today!!! Tomorrow we are leaving Namwianga and going to Livingston!!!! I get to see Victoria Falls tomorrow!!! I am so excited to see it! The pictures I have seen are breathtaking!!! We are staying in a really nice hotel and I will have a nice hot shower yay!!!! We go on our safari all day Thursday!!! I hope to see lots of animals, lions, zebras, giraffes, etc!!! I have been looking forward to going on the safari since I knew I was coming to Zambia, so it should be awesome!!!! I think what is really cool is that its not like going to the zoo, the animals are just out there doing there thing!!!! So what is everyone’s favorite animal and don’t worry I will be taking lots of photos! We also do a lot of shopping when we are there and I am going to try and bargain and find some awesome Christmas presents for everyone! The people who have been to Livingston before say its just the most beautiful place!!!

Its kind of sad that our time here is coming to an end! But they did save probably the best things for almost last!!! The best part so far has been working with these children and watching them grow and improve in so many things!!! I have so much love for these children!!!! Love to them and all to you!!!!

A story behind those eyes!!!!

Today was amazing!!!! I am in the feeding rotation again and the day goes so quickly because we are so busy!!! Tomorrow we are going to start some children on cereal in their milk and see how they do with that! I spent 45 minutes today with Dennis and I read his file today and got his story, I went to the bathroom after I read it and I cried!!!! So here it is:

Dennis was born on October 19th, 2009!!!!! How cool is that we are just two days apart in birthdays!!! October birthdays are the best!!! Go figure cause Dennis is awesome!!!! Well his mother died during his birth due to complications and his father could not keep him and so his father brought him to the orphanage. His father comes sometimes to visit him and eventually he will come back and hopefully get him. Dennis was a very sick baby and was taken to the hospital a bunch when he was first at the Haven. He doesn’t have HIV but was put on HIV medicine because they diagnosed him as failure to thrive!!! Looking at this child now I would have never guessed that he had been so sick, and his smile is so contagious! I cried for him today because I love my mother and realized that he would never know his own mother! I am thankful for the time that I had with my father, I’m thankful I got to know him!!!! I miss my father but it is so awesome that I was given the chance to know him!!! God is good all the time!!!! Mom I don’t know what my life would be without you and just know that I am so thankful I have you in my life and love you very much!  You are one of my bestest friends and no one can ever replace you! I honestly wished today that I could have taken Dennis home!!!  I just hope that the time I spend with him he loves and benefits from!!!! I hugged on him today a little more than usual and as I left him in his crib today he smiled, blew me a kiss, and said “BYE”!!! Oh it pierced my soul!!!! Dennis has taught me a lot about myself today!!! He taught me that I can not wait to be a mother one day and that I could be a mother to someone who I didn’t give birth to!

I pray for Dennis tonight that one day he will have a mother like the amazing mother I have and that he will be thankful for her!!!!! I pray that he lives a long wonderful and happy life!!!!! Oh Dennis!!! You made my day!!!! Because our birthdays are so close I am going to send him a birthday card every year for his birthday!!!! Dennis will always be my buddy!!!! I wish I could take this child home, I know I can’t but I would seriously love to just pack him up and take him with me!!! Love you Dennis and to all!!!!